I am not at a loss of words even when a crushing wave of cruelty has been pushed my way by those I have loved the most. Appafently I must now know how it feels to be unloved and rejected by my mother, father and brother like an aborted baby until THEY repent of their deeds, which they might never do.
Somehow, I will bear the sorrow I have after once again being willing and able to clean my parent's household and aid them in gardening tasks and landscaping tasks that are difficult to do. Like my daughter Qeset, I never thought the day would come when I would exit my mother's dwelling without a genuine hug or a kiss, only hearing the stupid words 'see you next year. Apparently my mother has lost her mind in some way and I cannot restore it; only a miracle of Yehovah would cause my mother to repent. I barely made it through the sadness of hearing and seeing my Catholic father get angry with me for starting to clean and dust his household furniture because my mother's lung function is dropping to levels I know are dangerous. My mother, like her brother Frank, can be abrasive and too lethargic to keep her physical abilities which means she rather rely on increasing lousy, unhealthy medications than heed my warnings about the need to exercise and treat me with enough respect to make me desire to help improve her household. Like an aborted baby, I have been forced to know that my mother and father do not care about my feelings or my need for a reasonably clean environment , so a Steven point hotel is now my choice of a holding bin rather than tossing myself in a garbage bin like an aborted infant.
Somehow, my father managed to apologize and state he was sorry for being so verbally cruel to me that he reminded me of Shane Hendrikson. The spirits of demon do not flee your household when you bring in the flesh of swine and holy, clean spirit is most often rejected from the typical anti-Moses dwelling; holy good angels do not have to remain in place they are unloved in or obviously hated in and even if my parents or son do not know it, I know I am a holy angel and full of Truth, kindness and wisdom that they have chosen to reject.
Should I rejoice because Patricia Swedowski met me for lunch at 'Margarita's'. a Mosinee diner with very overpriced food options? I could not remain silent when she stated how much she hated all Muslims and she seemed appalled that I have Muslim friends that care for me than my brother Robert? It does hurt a daughter when her brother will take the time and expense to go view his idol, Aaron Rodgers, once a year but will not take the time to drive 20 minutes to Stevens Point to visit his only sister when she is nearby and not in Michigan. It does hurt a mother when her own son loves his dead Christmas tree and won't visit nor help his living mother who loves the commandments of Yehovah and as a consequence has rejected the spirit of Christmas while still trying to embrace the spirit of Sukkot, Pesach, Shavuot and the weekly sabbath.
I suspectd that the darkest of days were coming, but in fact it was a cruel light that revealed to me what it feels like to be aborted at ther end of the 7th month. It might be consoling to know that an infant out of a womb in the 7th month has a better chance of survival that an infant who exits in the 8th month because there is a proper balance of internal bodily powers in a baby that existed for only 7 months in darkness, but in the 8th month will see what she has never seen before.
My strategy to try to endure the days ahead after being carelessly released from my parent's dwelling without the gratitude I had hoped for physically helping them as much as I did is going to be deveolped somehow with the grace of Yehovah and I will have to seek out kindness, holiness and compassion to counter the damaging effects of the apathy that the typical Catholic and Protestant pro-swine, pro-drug and anti-Yeshua culture that has permeated the houses of my relatives for centuries. As it was with my grandmother Mary Raczek, I know that the statue of a woman in blue or a crucifix on a wall will not vacuum my father's household, will not bring him tasty ox, will not wipe away the tears from my eyes and will not be able to teach my mother how to combat a lethargic spirit. I am thankful my father is physical not lazy and does not get angry with me because I reject swine. I am thankful my father did let me build a booth in his yard and like an aborted child who thought she was safe and loved ny her paretns in the middle of the 7th month, I have been intentionally ejected into a very cold city where I do not believe there are even 10 righteous men.... unless the rare bit of holiness I bring to the KB Willett arena is accepted by young men in full hockey gear.
I gave my father a 'hockey dad' pin and although my mother is more guilty than my father is for making me feel like the child I did not love enough to save and protect in 1982 AD, I trust the guidance and spirit of Yehovah to save and protect me in the 8th month and beyond. it is not always possible to be near the people who love you the most nor near the family members you love the most.
Be sorrowful and sin not. Anger is not always the best reaction to being aborted or being coldly rejected from the household of a DEAD 'Christmas' tree lover. A tasty vegan meal, some turkish coffee, studying the writings of Moshe and the prophet Malachi, resting on the 7th day and keeping a watchful eye on talented hockey players is just what my doctor will allow to help me combat sadness. Students who are contrary to St. Mary Magdalene or St. Thomas Klusman might be appearing next to Zach Zech and revealing their actual statement of faith in something other than lethargy and apathy.
It's a cruel world, not a small world, after all. I can hope the prophetic timeline is actually nearing day 1335 and that day 210 is past rather than only 2 days away, but what I hope for is not always possible due to the influence and decisions of 144,000 sealed perfected saints under the authority of HVHY. The spirit of Catholicism and the spirit of Henry the VIII's protestants does not save nor do those anti-Zebulun spirits sanctify... but 'suna=day worshippers' do always lead to a fruitless dead tree and the unholy spirit of hypocrisy tied to December 25th and the spirit of unrealistic 'Buzz Lightyear' expectations, abominations linked to Easter swine and Playboy bunnies from wretched Army women toting guns or drug-fillled needles to their nieghbors who also willfully chose to reject the spirit of King Moshe Ben Amram and the ANGEL Of Gad known as Yehovah.
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