Maybe showdowns come up on the week in which the battle at Mount Carmel is remembered and 1t Kings 18:1-39 is read for a reason.
When a parent has done a decent job of teaching their children right from wrong, the children usually make it through high school getting along with their parents or parent. I did get along with my son through high school, and we made it through some very difficult times. If I had the time and ability to go to a counselor with my son, we would both air our grievances and hope a third party had a solution. Since my son decided to follow the guidance and plans of a different female, he started to disrespect me as soon as she did in public, namely at a restaurant in front of witnesses. That might have been where a bitter root got planted in our family field. According to my son's diagnosis ' I have a bitter root problem, but he did not look up the cause of a mother's bitter root in the Scripture, and a foolish son can cause and pass bitterness to a mother. Protestant missionaries are primarily taught how to raise funds, not how to solve family conflicts and so the system my son agreed to go into failed to remind him that if his family is not functioning well, it is an indicator that he is either a bad leader or not skilled enough to face the difficulties that arise when his wife has a different faith and a different method of operation than his mother and/or father.
Arguments and rebuttals end up in courtrooms, without privacy, once a family problem is not handles properly between family members. Sometimes things are said in court that are not true, but the statements are still entered into a record. For those who like to play counselor, consider the following exchange between my son, a young male protestant 'pastor' who has not yet proven he can raise his own children properly and my rebuttal. I will add only an asterisk in areas where I would contend that he misquoted me or exaggerated. My son does not have excellent writing skill, but often does have very good verbal skills. I don't blame myself for his lack of respect toward me, since he had respected me while he lived in my household. Influences from anti-TORAH religions can lead to the idea that lying is fine if it means it might save your life (untrue, but that's what Muslims believe.' Sadly, families who reject the prophet Moses instructions never come to grips with the idea that conflicts are supposed to be kept in check and got into a state of peace on an ANNUAL basis, which is the point of Yom Kippur. Just as bodily appetites are supposed to be kept in control during the spring feast of unleavened bread, diligent effort is supposed to be put forth to repair relationships. If too many years go by, like car that has not been taken to a good mechanic, the relationships might permanently be broken.
After being ministered to by a very decent and caring massage therapist, I realized again that most paid pastors fail to help bodies recover properly from family trauma caused by sin that is a result of their false teachings. writing does help me release tension, and reading might help another person learn or at least not feel like they are the only one struggling with children who don't believe the instructions for the children of Israel but do have spiritual lives that are carnal. Peace cannot be made between the carnal and the spiritual since they will not agree on even the most basic Biblical instructions such as dietary laws and rejecting pagan traditions.
When my son had visited for a short time last year, I did not know him at all anymore. He was like a stranger to me and very different than he had been through high school. My approach with him for the three days he was with me was to treat him as if he were a police recruit when we went out to do something together without my parents. He couldn't handle a few of the scenarios that I expected him to be able to handle; sometimes it is a matter of trust when someone who knows much more than he does about survival and life puts you in a situation out of your comfort zone.
Here is a follow up on what I will suggest is more like a juvenile division problem at heart, and I believe my son was and is being manipulated into the 'mission field' far too often by his wife, Rachel and being influenced by people who falsely believe his relationship with his mother is less important than there playgrounds and anti-Moses church plantings in France. The other major problem with people that don't really love each other is that they only find 'good things to say' and negatives are often withheld because they do not want to risk losing the relationships and attention of their 'supporters'. It is not easy for me to read nor to share my son's terrible perspective of me, but I have read and heard many other painful and untrue reports before. Stating facts is not the same as an accusation; accusations are brought up before judges. If a mother cannot bring up areas of contention or difficulty to her son who has been ignoring her completely from time to time rather than waiting to hear about a disaster that has occurred to him, there is a serious problem with the son's ability to communicate and rectify REAL problems. Would it do any good to send a uncaring son a 'Christmas card' filled with money once year and would that be considered a good healthy relationship? MIllions of people go through that process that never bother to study the how, when and where Yeshua really was born. Christmas cards filled with money are exactly how people manipulate once another into believing they 'love one another'.
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On Tue, 2/23/16, Rich Hendrikson
I think
that the hardest part for me is that every time we have some
form of contact you only accuse. I do this. I do that.
I dont do this etc. If you were a prophet of the Lord...
ok. But you are not. When I came to visit you it was
100% my choice. Grandma and Grandpa can't and
wouldn't force me to do anything. So there you are
mistaken. You have manipulated situations for years with me
and I assure you when it comes to you I will no longer be
manipulated. That is one of the reasons i believe that our
relationship is strained. You can no longer control me.
Our visit did not go well as I recall. I remember you
screaming at me at the ice rink. For nothing that would be
considered reasonable. Because I wouldn't stand in front
of a net as men took slap shots if I recall correctly.
Somehow that was linked in your mind as a lack of
understanding of authority to you rather than common
sense. As we traveled to places you spent your time
slamming people instead of taking the time to catch up with
me. Weather it be how blonds are wicked* or how your
*neighbors worked for the devil*. ( I do content that fake blonds are not trustworthy and know I do not use the word 'devil' to describe people who are anti-Israel or anti Moses, but even if i did the word 'devil' shouldn't be too shocking for a pastor in believes more spiritual battles. I believe my neighbor to the north is in the legal 'drug business' which the Bible does state refer to as an area to 'beware of' ) You did not ask me questions
about my life at all. (I did, but I also did research online before he came and knew the projects he was working on, and he must have forgot that I was treating as though he were a police recruit since he had not been acting anything LIKE my son) Only how everyone screwed you over.
I learned a lot about you but you had no interest in me
what I do or where I was in life. The time before Michigan
I went to coffee with you in point. That too ended up with
you screaming at me and telling everyone at Starbucks that I
was a terrible son and a terrible missionary. Those were
the last two meetings with you. Not very good memeories
for me.
I do forgive
you. i have nothing against you. I dont hate you. I
love you. But for whatever reason a relationship seems so
so hard. Its the mom looking down at her son. Its
depressing for me as well. I dont know what it would look
like for you to have things be back to normal. I dont
anticipate things being as they were before because so much
hurt has happend since. But I would like things to be
better. But with you its only judgment. This
is a broken relationship that cant be fixed just like that I
get that. Im in France. Your in Detroit. Its not like
we can sit down and chat once a week. But our meetings
have never had a flavor of lets fix this. your emails are
never lets fix this. Its you "rich" fix it
because your the problem and let me state the ways. Our
relationship is by far the hardest part of my life. The
saddest. The thing that lingers in the back of my mind all
the time. And I want it better. But its not going to get
better based on your attempts to state my list of wrongs and
Shanes and whoever elses. Suggesting that divorce is
harder than losing your spouse is a selfish comment. You
are filled with bitterness. And there is a ton of
forgiving you need to do before we can move forward.
Bucause until the bitterness is gone you will never truly be
able to consentrate on fixing our relationship because our
disscussions will always be overshadowed by your inability
to let things go. you do not believe it but I do love
you. Go ahead and paste this onto your blog. Or cut and
paste the things that play into your favor. I dont really
care where you post this but be assured that I want things
better. But admit I dont know how that can happen. Open
to suggestions. But baby steps. Balls in your court
again.
Rich
.............
There are many untrue statements in my son's response to my letter. When people seek lodging in my house I do have to maintain some authority over them. My son's lack of ability to know how to be a guest is as bad as Michael Petersons's, son of Nancy and Richard Peterson. If a son or a relative does not respect the rules of a household, they can pay to stay in a hotel if they really do want to visit or try to mend a relationship with a friend or relative. I do have the ability to let things go, but real sins and crimes are not meant to be 'let go' and forgotten until they are acknowledged, solved and some sort of justice is enforced so the victim can have peace of mind. Lukewarm Christians think sins can just be forgotten and forgiven without genuine repentance, and that is incorrect. When my son lived in my house, it was my duty to keep him in control, but now that is impossible and i do not attempt to control his decisions; I stay completely removed from his household and his choices, but he knows I did not approve of his current lifestyle. I have seen many children get out of control due to parents lack of discipline. I wonder if my son tries to control his children, or is he is manipulating them to completely reject even the most basic commandments.
( My professional impression is that my son is unable to be neutral toward me because of extreme influences against people who use Torah strategies and who do not want to let liars and embezzlers get away with manipulating the court system. It is a fact that I did get 'screwed over' to use his pastoral English, and he did nothing to prevent or correct the unfair financial advantage that his adoptive father obtained by fraud and deception. If a pastor does not care that his mother was treated unfairly by another 'Christian' in court, what does he care about? This is a serious question, and should be a question that his 'supporters' want answered since he is similar to a politician in his method of operation. If I did not love him, I wouldn't even try to correct his error in PERCEPTION of me or of my former employee/ex-husband. Here was my response, and I only can use the abilities that I have left to face a very troubling situation.
(
I'll try to clear up a couple items as diplomatically as I can.
The reason divorce is harder than the death of a spouse is because you are not left with any love to remember from the marriage. I have seen and spent tie with many widows whose husbands loved them until death, and the women do manage better alone because they have a spirit of hope and love from their husband. If you think it is selfish to believe that, it is even more selfish to seek a divorce rather than go through counseling.
From what I understand, it was grandma and grandpa that asked you to drive them to Michigan, and only you know whether you would have visited me without them.
As far as bitterness goes, there is a bitter herb reminder at every passover meal. Is it true that a foolish son is bitterness to his mother or are there lies in the book of Proverbs? I only ask that because since you diagnosed me as being bitter, I'll now challenge you to come up with the reason for that root being there. I would describe my condition as having vexation of spirit, but if you spent any time with me, you would see how many people I not only am ministering too but how many times I manage to come up with a reason to smile, to believe in the eventual victory of saint over liars and hypocrites and be able to at least once each day.
I have no desire to control you and I certainly haven't been able to manipulate any circumstance that you chose to be in. I was manipulated very severely during the divorce process, and I was pressured into doing things I did not want to do. I can't pressure you to write to me, to visit me or to understand how much pain I have felt since our family was destroyed by a divorce I never desired but was forced into. What transpired before,during and after the divorce has not 'gone away' in my memory bank either and the results have been a loss of most of the hopes I had for all of us, not a loss of memory. Sometimes I'd just to establish some facts and have you receive some corrections about facts. For instance, were you really told that I moved out to North Carolina and already had a boyfriend there ? I wondered why you never even considered helping me move and if you believed a lie, why aren't you angry at the liar? Sometimes I am just baffled and at a loss for words to describe how much damage I know that lies have caused. Maybe if you would have seen how terribly my father was treated in a courtroom by Shane's attorney, you would have a better idea of why we have been so torn apart. You of all people know how kind Grandpa was to Shane, yet Shane decided that it was fine to be cruel to my father. Unfortunately, divorce usually does cause people to choose sides and that is a problem that sometimes gets as heated as political party lines.
After Autumn Rayne's birthday, i waited and waited patiently for you to put together something from her and send it over the internet as you had promised. Your children don't have the 'bad memories' of me that you do, so maybe you should just let them try to have a relationship with me, even if its only Autumn Rayne that sends me emails and I can write her back. That seems to be the best suggestion I can come up with. Don't let your fears of me be passed down to your children, and maybe someday they will be able to tell you how I am doing.
As far as the hockey rink incident went, I was just so surprised to see you be afraid to get into a position of defense that I thought there was something much different and wrong with you and that you had fears that you did not need to have. The young men at the rinks use a lot of common sense, and I would never put you in a position that I thought was dangerous. How far back do you have to go to have a good memory of me? I usually have to think back to your hockey years. I see young skaters who skate like you did and I sometimes have to turn away to hide my tears in public. I play or sing 'It is well with my soul' and remember how for a short while people like the Blakeman's helped you and I feel like we mattered, but disagreeing with them pretty much permanently ended our relationship even though there were many good memories.
The chances are slim of mending our relationship while you are in France, but I'm sure you know that. If the ball's in my court and we are never on the same court, I guess we'll never know is you can ever play together again like we used to. I can do little to nothing while you are in France. I don't look down on you, but what do you think I can say about you when people ask if I have any children? I can say I have son, but he's a protestant missionary in France but there is an unwritten restraining order in place against me and I have no personal contact with him or my grandchildren? What do you say if and when people ask you if you have a mother? It's more than awkward, its a shame we are so far apart and that I couldn't visit you even if I could afford it. The damage that had been done to my brain due to year's of oxygen deprivation has been corrected, but I doubt if you believe that. My personality might be as strong as a person like Dean Noonan; if I notice something very wrong going on, it generates a strong response from me but if trouble occurs, I'm exactly who a weak-minded person might want to help defend him or her.
There was a prophet who's wife died and he was instructed NOT to mourn. Was that a selfish instruction, or was there a lesson to be learned about trusting in the resurrection if his wife was faithful and true to her husband?
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We might both be wrong in many areas, but there is no harm in letting others view contrary opinions between a paid protestant pastor in France and his abandoned mother, a well-educated retired police officer, is there? I confronted him directly with my complaint, and there are no elders that can be contacted to settle on ongoing struggle that may not be much different than this week's readings from 1st Kings Chapter 18. My son is not worshipping the God of Elijah by his own choices. Aaron, brother of Moses, lost his two sons to a non-accidental fatality because they did not follow the rules of 'worship' even though they were clearly available to them. I was sent to plenty of family troubles in police work where my opinion was respected, but lukewarm Christians really don't want to be corrected by people who have accepted the TORAH into their belief system, so ultimately they reject the exact correction that any upright tribe of Israel member would bless them with. I do prophesy, and it is very risky to declare that someone is not a prophet, since prophets were often chosen without any written consent by fellow family members.
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